Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
