my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your cock deserves a montage
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
