dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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