it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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