theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
