So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
