Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
