Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
