i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
