He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
