yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
