I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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