The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
