RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
