i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
