Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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