She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
