It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
