Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
