Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
