I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You dont lie about slip and slides
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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