You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
