i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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