Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
