yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
