ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
