dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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