theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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