We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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