Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
