i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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