dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
