a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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