i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
