My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
