Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
