Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
