Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
