Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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