Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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