There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
