I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
