You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
