Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
