Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
