I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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