girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
