i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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