I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
