And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
