Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
