MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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