So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
