woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
