i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
