I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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