You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
