guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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