you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
