I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
porn star boner night. come get it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
