They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
