I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
